Bummer: You’ve Reached the End of D’Onofrio Law & Orders. Hot Cops on NBC

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The world has come to an end.

My world, at least.

My obsession, Vincent D’Onofrio, as Detective Bobby Goren on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” has been exhausted.

Be still, my heart. He's more than simply freakin awesome to look at. He's like... a GENIUS. (no, i did not take this picture. duh... i'd be like, with him if i did...)

Be still, my heart. He’s more than simply awesome to look at. He’s like… a GENIUS. (no, i did not take this picture. duh… i’d be like, with him if i did…) (purepeople.com)

I just did a search for him, y’know to stalk find him. And here’s what I thought I’d share: he’s #3 in the search…

Holla! #3 Whoop-whoop!

Holla! #3 Whoop-whoop! Who are the other ones? I don’t care know.

Ask Kelly at DeBie Hive, go ahead… she knows: I’m freakin’ in love with that man. I don’t talk about it very often here. Because if I did, it’d be all I talk about.

There’s old school, Columbo (whom I also adore):

Yeah, he's good, but he's not HOT.

Peter! Yeah, he’s great! But he’s not HOT Goren D’Onofrio. (Google)

So I bought a kitchen timer for my kids. To get them off the computer. I just asked my husband to set it so we would know when the lasagne I just made was cool and ready to eat. The timer? It didn’t tell me, “dinner’s done” it didn’t tell me, “time to get off the computer” it told me, “this timer’s broken.” It sounded like this: *brrdeping*.

And then there’s newer than old school.

Back to Vincent.

ok. back to vincent...

ok. back to vincent… interrogate me. i’ll give under pressure. (fanpix.net)

We have our DVR set to record all episodes, up to 7 of Criminal Intents no matter the network, a day. I love cop shows; but not cop shows with a ton of relationship crap going on. I want the sweaty perps, the fidgety suspects and this:

no, i didn't take this picture. do you think i'd be here? writing this blog if i did?!

no, i didn’t take this picture. do you think i’d be here? writing this blog if i did?! (thereelist.com)

Since the kids were home sick from school, I’ve managed to completely ignore the laundry, yet catch up on every recorded episode of Criminal Intent while they hunkered down with me on the sofa to watch:

  • The one about the Catholic priest with the psychopathic meth-addict son (yes, you read right) who was seeking his birth mother so he could kill her;
  • The one about the Austrailian media mogul who married an Asian woman much to the chagrin of his children, one of whom he killed and then he disparaged said wife;
  • The one about the effete rich European socialite of unspecified origin art collector/wine critic who sipped his last in his cellar tasting a rare Romanée Conti* bordeaux, the combination of which with a laced cigar caused him to die;
  • The one with the rich college-age kid who was stuffed in a trunk outside a church by a bunch of Santorians but was left with a flashlight because he was afraid of the dark…
  • *I just made that up; I have no clue what vintner it was… but it WAS a bordeaux.

Really? ‘Cause I can go on… and on…  It got so cute that my youngest, Thing 3 said to me, “it’s OK mommy, you can watch Criminal Intent… I’m not afraid of the murders.” I yell at the TV.

Bad news: we are all caught up. And the boys are back at school.

That means I have two options:

1) get amnesia (sorry, no – too late).

2) watch Richard Belzer on Law & Order SVU:

GAH! Put that back! NO! Go back to Columbo. Jeeezus no. Kill it with fire!

GAH! Put that back! NO! I’ll go to jail. I’ll admit the crime. Just no. Go back to Columbo. Jeeezus no. Kill it with fire! (Google – who cares?)

or 3) (I know I said I had two options): Watch this guy…

Chris. Hi. But he left SVU. Where have all the good cops gone?

Chris. Hi… But he left SVU. Where have all the good cops gone? (thehubnow.com)

That can be arranged. I can go a few years without an D’Onofrio to watch Mr. Meloni while my gray matter atrophies. Who said that?

There is always Netflix where there is always Columbo. When all the followers have been exhausted, we go back to the beginning.

Thank you.

Ok… one more:

ahhhh. (fanpop.com)

ahhhh. (fanpop.com)

And yes, I am totally jealous of this person: http://thehairpin.com/2011/10/the-best-time-i-met-vincent-donofrio – a fun read.

12 responses »

  1. LOL that you record up to 7 episodes A DAY. Now that I know you have a cop show addiction, the fact that you quoted Jaime Gumb makes even more sense. Creepy Baby says stay away from that Belzer guy.

    • Creepy baby is right. Amy, you got my banana wheels spinning this morning. It’s the seed of one of those tangential posts, that comes right back to center like a boss, in the twisted way only I’m capable of achieving. Whether I can figure out how to write it is another issue…. Mrrrrp.

  2. I have loved Columbo since I was 12. I started watching the re-runs after putting the kids I was babysitting to bed. I looked forward to it every week (we did not have a TV at home) I was so happy to get to watch them all again on Netflix except that they skip some episodes. So I tried the free trial of Amazon Prime where they had the entire first season with ALL the episodes, but only the first season. Why can’t someone give me the Columbo series in it entirety? Why?

  3. I didn’t realize you could do this with a DVR. Now I want one. I only get three or four channels though so it might not be as fun, but you could collect an entire series. That would be awesome because anytime I start to watch a show I miss a few episodes in the middle and never return. Then I end up watching it on netflix 8 years later.

    I only like the original Law & Order. I am old school that way.

  4. Molly! This was so funny. You made me laugh. I, too, love some of these crime/murder shows – but like you – forget any of the romance or relationship stuff. Yes, Bobby…I mean Vincent is hotttttt and smart…and an amazing actor…and hot (did I say that?)…For me, I have scaled back on these shows, though. I got way too involved and would dream of murder mysteries…Ahhhh! But I guess it’s OK to dream of Bobby, right?

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