Tuesday Morning Press 23 — Prophylactic Parenting

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It sucks in this day and age, when kids turn “pastries” (the last time I checked a pop-tart on its own was a weapon of mass construction) into guns, or West Virginia or New York State, that we have to be extra vigilant about items brought in for Sharing Day.

But in an obvious effort to cover my ass, I am sharing my letter to the teacher (while ccing the administration and my husband that I sent at 9:04 this morning) to let both of you know that while I agree with all policies to protect the children, sometimes a kid’s imagination needs its assurances as well.

Good morning Mr. Schautzenklampfer,

I just left the school after writing you a note to apprise of the fact that Thing 3 brought in what he calls the “staff” of whom I believe is the wizard Gandalf from Tolkien’s “The Hobbit.”

Essentially, it is just a piece of falling limb (about 4.5′ long) from a tree in our backyard with a blue Lego ball placed between the fork of the limbs by packing tape.

I left the note affixed to the packing tape and placed the staff behind your desk, to inform you that I wanted to make sure that I was doing my best to perform within any school policy regarding any “weapons” on campus even though it’s not a weapon, it’s a piece of wood with a Lego ball “suspended” from the fork of the limb. I also left commentary that if you need to have me come up and get the staff to please do call me. Again the staff is behind your chair at your desk, it is not available to Thing 3 or openly available to any of his classmates. The front office staff (Yanosh Greenblexter) and the temporary substitute teacher is aware of the situation and that I was leaving you a note.

Upon my leaving the classroom, Thing 3 realized that today is not his “sharing day.” But after I left the note and staff behind your desk I just figured that if you needed me to come get it you would let me know.

Thanks,

Molly

So what to do now? Do I sit by the phone and wait for the call that my kid has been suspended? Do I rail against the tide and fight for change of insanely fearful adults who’ve forgotten that childhood imaginations are places of wonder and security and safety?

My kid’s about as apple pie as you can get. Here’s a pic of him yesterday feeding grass to our dog. That’s right, he fed our dog grass. … Well, see for yourself:

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So now I wait.

Thank you.

UPDATE 9:43am from Mr. Schautzenklampfer:

Hi Molly,Thing 3 can share today instead of on the 16th. No problem! Thanks for taking the time to explain and keeping us informed.

-Heinrich Schautzenklampfer

Phew! Now I can go to yoga with my cell phone off. 🙂

11 responses »

    • Yes… And they are supposedly the educators. The teacher is great, no complaints at all, but I know she will have to cover her butt… The fact that she wasn’t there when I dropped everything off (I signed in on the computer, etc., as a matter of more CYA) doesn’t help.

  1. I think everyone is just a little to hyper-sensitive these days. I guess I may be naive but I still believe that most people are good at heart and don’t intend to hurt or injure their fellow man. I think we have made everyone afraid to do anything anymore because it could be taken wrong. I think we should all just lighten up a little.

  2. Pastries chewed into a possible gun shape….I couldn’t remember what it was and thought of a chicken nugget. Yes, I am commenting both on your post and the comment you left on my post earlier. We are like old friends who can pick up a conversation like we have only been apart for minutes even though we have never actually met, right? Your son feeding the dog grass is going to keep me laughing for days. He is so cute.

    I am so glad the Gandalf staff was shown without incident. I agree with everyone above, it’s a shame that we have to assume every child is about to go on a murderous rampage when all they want to do is participate in show and tell or eat a poptart.

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