Dear Winter,

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Dear Winter,

This is just shameful. Aren’t you embarrassed? What? Did you and your buddy Polar Vortex tie on three too many last night? Were you still drinking from when you dumped on us for St. Patrick’s Day?

You remind me of me, when I was adolescent and stupid. When I would be stood up or when I would be punted by a boyfriend. Hanging around. Moaning. Rejected.

You remind me of other people I know, or knew, who would stand outside apartments in the rain with pans of lasagna hoping for a glance out the window and a wave up to the door.

Winter, you’ve got issues.

You remind me of:

 

this. you like the white dress? that's you.

this. you remind me of this. you like the white dress? that’s you.

 

I have a clue for you. We’ve moved on. We’ve been nice. We enjoyed you when we had you. It was great for the kids. They enjoyed the almost endless Winter break from school.

You were charming. Intoxicating, even and we were swept up under your spell.

You were enchanting.

You were enchanting. And you knew it.

We spent many nights together. We dug many inches of your snow.

You had us by the short hairs.

You had us by the short hairs.

We were surprised by your visits sometimes.

Like, REALLY surprised.

Like, REALLY surprised.

And we let you do your thing until you know, you got in the way. When spring came, officially, we encouraged you to take some time off; you’ve worked so hard. You needed a vacation, a break.

Screen Shot 2014-03-25 at 1.46.21 PM

This is not what we had in mind.

But you stuck around. You visited us when we thought you were gone. And we tried to y’know, move on and encourage you to do the same.

We tried to be gentle in letting you go.

We tried to be gentle in letting you go.

We thought we were clear. But you didn’t get the message.

click. click. click. click.

click. click. click. click.

The days are longer; the sun is brighter and stronger and you still come back. You just won’t go away.

What do we have to do?

This? Do we have to go mental?

This? Do we have to go mental?

 

Please. Stop embarrassing yourself. You’re not sticking to the ground and summer catalogs are here.

 

see?

see? the road is clear. it’s not working. you need to go now. 

 

I'm tired of looking like this every time I take the dogs for a walk.

I’m tired of looking like this every time I take the dogs for a walk.

It’s humiliating. For everyone. Please… just stop it with the snow and the hideous wind chills. We’ll see you in nine months, k? Take your time.

Thank you.

ps — all images of “Fatal Attraction” are not mine. They are Copyright © 1987 by Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

10 responses »

  1. You are so clever and funny! I am sending this to everyone in my office. We all share your feelings but lack your gift of articulation and creativity. We have gotten really good at mumbling expletives.

  2. Hahahahahahaaaaa!!! Ideal!!! Spot on!!! This was very clever and just the right thing for me to see today. : ) Thanks!

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