You Can’t Argue with “Okay.” #rights #guns #marriage #America

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Man, what a month.

So much going on.

The prisoners escaped from NY prison

Charleston

Obamacare

Confederate flag debates

Gay marriage protected by the Supreme Court.

Obama singing “Amazing Grace” which was written by a former slave owner, at the funeral for the mass murder in Charleston.

I don’t know of a time in my recent memory when so much has happened of such a magnitude in such a compressed timeframe.

I woke Friday to the terrorism news in France, Tunisia and Kuwait — about 60 people have died as a result of insurgency violence that occurred while we were sleeping. Did you know about these incidents?

Then a couple hours later, the news about Supreme Court and marriage rights.

The night before, I got slammed on Facebook for posting a meme about a bunch of Republicans who bashed a college loan refinance bill. I’ll never share another one of my father’s posts again. Never. That’s the second time I’ve gotten burned — and not just because it was hysterical, but because it was incomplete. 

So I knew the next day was going to be rough, regardless of what was on the SCOTUS docket. I had no clue.

It was like I turned on my computer and the entire world changed.

But it hasn’t, much has it?

I mean, we still live and breathe. We still have to pay taxes. We still love our kids. We still drive cars. We still buy more than we need. We still practice hypocrisy and jealousy and reactivity.

The anti-side of gay rights says that homosexuality is an abomination. They speak of God and Scripture and Jesus and Corinthians and Leviticus and all the words of the Gospel which decry homosexuality. But then they say God will judge in the same sentence that they say gay people will go to hell. But isn’t that God’s decision, if you really believe in Him? You can preach the Gospel, but it’s never your decision to speak for God. Catholic priests think they’re supposed to do that. It’s so funny.
NO, THEY’RE NOT. 
It’s no one’s business, really.
All this hate and fear and arguing and finger pointing feels so very much as though the line demarcating the “other” side is getting fainter and fainter.
 
What we once thought were opposite views, are so radically close to one another in tone that they are almost identical. The two-sided coin is getting very thin from wear and tear.
 
All people want their rights, and the U.S. Constitution says they should have them. I dig that. But the arguments become anemic when one starts denying someone else’s rights.
 
“I want gay marriage but you can’t have your guns.”
 
“I want my guns but you can’t have your healthcare.”
 
“I want my healthcare but you can’t have your birth control.”
 
“I want my flag but you can’t remind me of its history.”
 
It all reminds me of a scene in “Friends” when two characters were yelling at each other for taking the last pieces of bread and they were each accusing the other of being selfish. 
Just because you disagree it doesn’t mean there’s hate. Just because you agree it doesn’t mean you’re OK with everything else.

I don’t really have an opinion on gay marriage other than to say it’s about time. I certainly don’t have a negative opinion of it. If gay Americans pay taxes, then they should be afforded the same rights as anyone else who pays taxes. I wrote the other day, that on that basis, if you decide to exempt gay couples from paying taxes, soon everyone will file as gay. I was trying to be humorous. No one laughed. I wonder if people think that if gay people are allowed to marry then all of a sudden their children will “turn” gay.

Anyway…

Well, no. If one of my kids discovers he is gay, then I will take a deep breath. Not out of shame, not out of hate, but because I know 1) it takes guts to be who you are; 2) regardless of all the rainbows all over the place, the world is hostile; 3) the odds of having a grand baby in our lineage are cut by 50% without an effective and successful sperm donation and fertilization and pregnancy via surrogate from my kids (but I also recognize that the world is overpopulated and that children are children and they all just need loving homes).

So I’m deciding, starting now, to conserve my energy. My oldest son is finally starting to learn how to drive. We go out for 45-minute stints every day, starting in school and commuter parking lots. Today was day 3. He’s getting better. Today he and his dad (my current and first husband) went out in the rain and took our smaller car. He prefers my big SUV because he can see better, but he likes the tighter steering on the smaller car. I need to conserve my energy for him and my other sons and my household and marriage and laundry and my sanity. I’m tired of fighting. None of these changes affect me. I don’t think the country is suddenly going to be alright with matrimonial bestiality and allowing people to marry children. It’s going to be alright, I really believe this.

It’s summer. Let’s chill out, the weather makes things hot enough as it is.

So I’ve decided, that when I don’t agree with someone, I’m just going to take a deep breath, say nothing or just say, “Okay” and I’m going to keep on doing what I was doing before: taking deep breaths and trying to say nothing.

Wish me luck.

Thank you.

About Grass Oil by Molly Field

follow me on twitter @mollyfieldtweet. i'm working on a memoir and i've written two books thus unpublished because i'm a scaredy cat. i hail from a Eugene O'Neill play and an Augusten Burroughs novel but i'm a married, sober straight mom. i write about parenting, mindfulness, irony, personal growth and other mysteries vividly with a bit of humor. "Grass Oil" comes from my son's description of dinner i made one night. the content of the blog is random, simple, funny and clever. stop by, it would be nice to get to know you. :)

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