Category Archives: narcissistic mothers

A thought regarding chakras and behavior.

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A thought regarding chakras and behavior.

I’ve always been interested in the unseen; stuff that includes science, but that transcends it because even science and proving its truth has to come from something, like a gut feeling, an inner knowing, something that makes us stay curious and interested in the answer or result.

My mother was super smart, talented and clever; she also (like all of us) battled her demons. Sometimes she won, sometimes she lost. Her behavior though, even in the clear-headed days, was something that I now understand as being mostly in the “upper chakras” of 4th (love / boundaries), 5th (voice & truth), 6th (vision & sound: reality) and 7th (intuition). In her escapist behavior (her “demon” side), she also stayed there, but the behavior was focused on herself: what she loved, what she said and heard in *her* truth, what she felt intuitively. Because those concepts were run through an unhealthy filter, her behavior was unhealthy.

And so the loop continues.

As a yoga instructor and someone who likes to investigate sources of pain or observe confusions in myself or others, the chakras are crucial to how I perceive the world. But my knowledge is limited while my curiosity is constantly in bloom.

Recently, I had a biofield tuning session. (It’s woo-woo to some: energy blended with sound healing science but it has real effects on me.) In that session, I discussed some social interactions I’ve endured with people that have left me confused and exhausted. I explained that I’m so tired of this pattern of people and their behaviors repeating themselves in my life. That they’re so familiar to me — the energy reminds me of my interactions with my mother: going around and around in circles when all I’m trying to do is go from A to B to C. Without batting an eye, she said, “They’re in their upper chakras. There’s no grounding. They just want to exist in the fantasy that all is well and they don’t need the things — like health insurance and consistent income — that you and I and others see as reasonable and normal for a solid existence. The truth is too much for them; they’re not grounded. They want to have it come to them because they ‘wish it to.’ To be grounded means that you have accept and know who you are [1st chakra], what you’re responsible for having created in your life [2nd chakra], and the guts to do it or change it [3rd chakra] if it’s not working … if it’s not healthy or balanced.”

It was literally like a window had been opened and a fresh breeze of clean air had flowed into my lungs.

There’s nothing wrong with embracing love and intuition and vision and singing your song… but launching from solid ground and a knowing of your skills and limitations is the only way you’re going to make any sense. Remember: airplanes have wheels, birds have claws, and angels have feet for a reason.

The other risk — not nourishing or tolerating the upper chakras — is anger, confusion, and disappointment because we have to also acknowledge that we don’t know everything about ourselves [1st]; that there are things we have yet to create / we’re not DONE yet [2nd]; and that we must continue to change and do [3rd] in order to live well and balanced.

I often describe Mom as just being capable of landing one toe on the ground for most of her life. Now that she is with God, free and she is safe, I don’t have to worry about how hard she will crash when she would eventually come down. ❤

If You’ve Narcissistic Parents, Take this Quiz

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I’m just sharing a link today, given to me by a dear friend. It’s a quiz for anyone who is the adult child of narcissistic parents.

It’s not one of those “what book are you?” quizzes. It’s actually a profound quiz for those of us who hail from survived those parents.

Please take it and share it. Together, we can get through this.

As for me, I’m going to try to stay positive these days while also doing my best to see things as they are, cut myself some slack, allow truths to emerge and stop glossing over defecate.

I am grateful for many peoples’ support and kindnesses to me both privately and on the comments from my most recent posts.

I’m richer for it and I’m going to take care of myself because while there’s nothing I can do about the past, I don’t have to pretend it never happened or allow the callous and STUPID romantics in my life who saw my mother in a way that suited them and their needs to shame me into seeing things their way because my truth looks too familiar for them.

Fuck them.

I realize I’ve felt silenced and as though my voice didn’t matter and the only crap I could come up with was two massive posts beating the hell out of myself while also editing or quasi-justifying my mother’s atrocious parenting. Let me be clear: you have no idea.

Their bullshit perspectives have fueled my continued recovery and have empowered me in the best possible way… I’m not on fire with vengeance, but I am on fire and it feels good to get some of that back.

So, here’s the link. Take the quiz and take care of yourself.

https://ugeorgia.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bpUcPJ3CkaLjOPb

Here’s what I drew last night, I’m really enjoying the doodling now. (Although this is more than a doodle… it took me about an hour to get it “right” and although it needn’t be perfect, I would like it to happen more fluidly for me). It was like math… I almost died trying to figure it out. I got all squirmy and sweaty and angsty.

sorry for the cropping. :) NO I'M NOT!

sorry for the cropping. 🙂 NO I’M NOT!

Here’s another link about narcissism and how it affects kids: http://www.alanrappoport.com/pdf/Co-Narcissism%20Article.pdf

Thank you.