Tag Archives: bad metaphors

Tuesday Morning Press #14 — Where Do I Start?! Captain Crunch is Left-Handed

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So today I have yoga, but I didn’t go because I’m still congested and feeling about 85% normal and while I’d be OK for a regular class, I’m not OK for a vinyasa class, which is a lot more arduous than a regular hatha class, which is what I’ll be returning to later this week. WHAT? Move on. Nothing to see here.

I’m sorta grossed out by things. I guess this is why I’ve not been blogging too much lately because I don’t want to sound like a wet blanket that’s been stowed in a dark corner somewhere. Man, that’s a shitty metaphor. Blankets don’t sound like anything, and a wet one that’s been stowed in a dark corner… you’d smell it before you heard it… But I am also a big believer in the premise that if you get stuff off your chest then you become lighter, so here it goes…

I posted on my Facebook private wall the following:

I’m a wee bit tired of all the inaugural stuff. We just ended the election, so… 3 years, 362 days to go. I’m not a fan. Just sayin…

Now just so you know, my facebook profile picture this week is of my one true musical love Vincent D’Onofrio Adam Levine. This is my picture:

Adam

Hi. I’m hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. Molly asked me to. I smiled like this when I thought about it.  Us Weekly took this pic of me.

So, naturally, the credibility of  anything I, Molly, say on my wall is actually completely fortified destroyed by Adam looking back at people in that awesome way that he is in this photo. I’ve had many female friends tell me how utterly distracted they are by Adam showing up on their news feeds and Adam replying to their comments. I think I’ve encouraged the early ovulation of many women on my FB feed.

Back to politics. REALLY? Yes. C’mon….

I’m an independent. I thought I was a fiscal conservative, but they’re all shaping to be aligned with idiotic conservatives voters who believe that the earth is only a few thousand years old and that we all came from Adam and Eve. I am a social liberal: personal stuff is personal stuff, but at the end of the day: if you live in America, if you pay American taxes, you should get everything all Americans get. The fighting on this status pretty much died when I said that. How do you rebut that? I win!

But my point about the hullabaloo of the inauguration and all the loooooove is that everyone loves a great speech; they’re romantic and full of power and hope. Everyone wants to be inspired, encouraged, empowered to storm the castle and be united. The problem lies in the next day: getting to work. First: The D.C. bars closed at 4am today, so there will be no getting back to work for about 2/3 of the joyful electorate; second: it’s a four-day work week and the US guvmint is notorious for its life-thieving, glacier-melting slowness.

I fear that Obama has reached new heights in popularity that belie his efficacy. It’s tough being president, he has attained idol status and well, that’s not good for anyone. And the other people who hate him? They’re just jealous. Here’s a proposal: you do his job and stick to your principles and see how much you get done. Tell me how that works out for you. The man’s gotta step up to his visions and make things happen that’s all I gotta say.

Next.

I am the happy recipient of two “Inspired Blogger” awards. I am gushing and very thankful to the two bloggers who awarded them to me:

Bulamamani, who is a fantastic artist and writer and whose fiction is seriously amazing, mesmerizing and engulfing. She wrote some stuff for the Friday Fiction challenge I’m heading up and based it on the four elements, Air, Water, Fire and Earth (this week) and maaaaan… well, check it out.

The other fabulous person who awarded me is Redhot Writing Hood, who is an inspiration herself. Artist (weee!: check out this COAT!!), writer, mom. She is honest, candid (not always the same thing, trust me). We share a common interest: health and nutrition. Read about her journey! She is new to blogging.

I am a rebel. I appreciate the awards, but I feel honestly, that while I believe the people who award them are full of love and admiration for the ones they cite, it’s becoming more of a networking tool than an actual award. When you I got an Oscar®, I didn’t have to award other people. I just got it and my career took off. Who are you?

I’ve gratefully earned awards before, and I dig them, buuuut, I’m not getting more traffic, no one has signed me up for writing a screenplay annnnd it’s a lot of work for the winner. The acceptance rules of the awards (yes, if you agree to accept, you must comply) are complicated and ever evolving: I am supposed to tell you 10 some interesting facts about myself and then share 15 or 20 several other bloggers. I’m going to spare myself and you almost all of that nonsense, and thank the awarders, “Thank you!!” and then say the following about myself:

1. I am left handed. That’s fascinating. So are some of my most awesome people I love: Vincent D’Onofrio, Adam Levine, Goldie Hawn, Kermit the FROG…

Here is a list of fascinating little-known, facts about left-handedness: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/29/left-handed-facts-lefties_n_2005864.html – I are not schizophrenic.

2. I love Downton Abbey; I hate Mary –she’s too uppity and uch stupid.  I also can’t stand her bland sister, Emily? Hanna? Clara? who tried to marry her grandfather. I adore Sophie, the rebellious, saucy bon vivant who married down and eloped with the family’s Irish chauffeur and of course the dowager Countess played by Maggie Smith. And Elizabeth McGovern? The the flat and tired American playing the flat and tired American? Pleh. Given that awesome assessment, the show is great. If you haven’t caught the fever, view episodes online… you’ll be HOOKED y’all.

3. My favorite color is periwinkle. Think of the sky before the sun rises sets (I’m not an early riser). That.

4. I love to sharpen knives. It keeps people away from me.

5. I am writing editing writing revising a book. I am having a hard time with self-published ebooks. I want to like them, because it’s hard to write a book, but . . . a lot can be said writers need tough editors and proof readers. So even though I’m in a high-level and early discussion with a publisher, it’s a self-pub arm of a traditional house and I dunno… I am fearful of being lumped in with self-pubs which suck need work and are published prematurely anyway.

6. I dig Asian-centric books such as The Joy Luck Club, Memoirs of a Geisha, Snow Flower and The Secret Fan and Shanghai Girls. The irony of course is this: only The Joy Luck Club is written by an Asian woman and Geisha was written by a dude. Go figure.

7. I love the father of our country, George Washington. He coulda been king, but declined.

7. I have a Thing for Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries. I seldom indulge, but when I do, I consider it a National Holiday; I ate some yesterday, MLK Day, as a matter of fact. So… be forewarned: if you over-pour a serving in my household and you do not eat it all, I will kill you.

Respect the Code, don’t over pour. Oh my! The Captain is left-handed too! This changes EVERYTHING.

I am dreadfully close to my personally imposed limit of 1200 words for this post. I imposed this to spare you my blathering. Consider yourself lucky…

Thank you.